Donnie Russo's sexy, repugnant and chuckle-inducing raunchfest is all the proof you need. In What Pigs Do Best, Russo is sporting the Intellectual Surfer look, replete with shaggy, bleached blonde hair and spectacles. The film's first scene is a strangely lit threeway between a trio of horny ne'er do-wells. There's a hung blonde, a bald guy with glasses, and a long-haired wild man with a goatee who looks like he escaped from a 1970s John Waters flick. In the first part of the scene, the faux-Calypso is so loud you can't hear a thing, but it backs off enough later on so you can hear the many sex sounds that emanate from these raunch dogs. The scene has a little bit of everything - sucking, rimming, dildos and ass-poking, ending in two facials. The yellow light that illuminates the scene lends a naughty, jaundiced feel to the goings-on. Russo, chained up by his hands, is forced to endure a barrage of food, which is smashed, wiped and poured onto him by Roberts, an older goateed Daddy. Eggs are cracked against him, ham is rubbed into his jock. Ketchup, mustard, chocolate sauce and beer turn Russo into a living picnic. All along, Roberts enjoys the taste of Russo's flavorful wiener. It's as funny as it is repulsive. Russo is then freed and sprayed with some sort of metallic paint, before Roberts slams a dildo up his tush. Roberts chews hungrily on Russo's nutsac as the battering ram in Russo causes him to gush Next, it's off to the dungeon for another three-way led by Brian-Mark, a heavily tattooed, hairy leather master. With two middle-aged baldies at his disposal, Brian-Mark pummels his lieges' marymuffs with both dildos and his own stud-slammer. At one point, a round butt plug on a chain is inserted into one of the fellow's poopers, bringing to mind those drain plugs you put at the bottom of a tub. At the end, one of the guys comes, which creates a contest to see who can lap up the most spooge. In the final scene, Russo and Michaels (dark-haired, big one) do things to each other in close proximity to a large ham. Russo prods Michaels' tender parts with kitchen implements to make sure his meat is done, and then allows Michaels to punch and kick his balls (which must have no feeling left in them by this point). Russo ends up taking Michaels' pork roll up the wazoo before getting a full load of Michaels' homemade gravy in the face. Cast: Donnie Russo, Brad Scott, Jeremy Michaels, Justin Kage, Brian Mark, Sean Rielly, Paulie Romanelli, Paul Douglas, Wayne Roberts
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